A Therapist’ Story
One of the most frequent questions I get regarding my career is why I became a therapist. People seem genuinely intrigued as to why I chose that path and as I’m writing this, I’m also reflecting on the curiosity in that question.
It could be because mental health is still a bit of a taboo topic, so it could feel a tad odd to choose that career path, or on the simpler side, people are really curious as to how I’m able to listen to so many people a day.
Either way, my career path kicked off around the same time as my wellness journey.
It started in Haiti. I was fairly young, around the age of 10-13, when I started to seriously reflect on my dynamic with my mom. Objectively speaking, I was what most Haitian parents would consider an exemplary kid. I did as I was told, no questions asked, even when I didn’t want to.
I quickly understood that as a kid, you didn’t get to ask questions, to a certain extent your feelings about the situation didn’t matter, and your parents always knew best.
I also understood the unspoken rule of showing respect to an adult: you do whatever they ask. Any hesitation, non-conforming behavior, or expressing disagreement would be seen as “talking back” or disrespectful.
I recall specific moments where I asked myself: “if I make a mistake or accidentally break something, mom will most likely punish me. But if she were to make the same mistake, it would be seen as an accident.” And I was like why, is it because she’s older and as a result gets special treatment?
…I couldn’t wait to be an adult.
Interestingly enough, as I was observing my peers, I would see those same dynamics between them and their parents as well.
At that time, I made a career choice - I was probably 13-14 years old. I wanted to understand why parents were acting this way, and the only thing that I knew could help me understand why people make certain decisions was to study how they think.
I’m not sure how I associated that with psychology; it was probably something I heard once in school, but I decided that’s what I was going to be when I grew up - a psychologist (I didn’t know about psychotherapists back then).
I share this specific childhood experience as it had an impact on my ability to be assertive and led to my people-pleasing tendencies. There have been times where I’ve had difficulty putting words to my feelings, effectively communicating, and setting boundaries.
This is where therapy came in. I’ve been going to therapy since 2018 and I love it! Now, I gotta say there were times when it was painful. Reliving those experiences and recognizing how accommodating I had been at times (even at my own expense) wasn’t pretty, but I knew I had to do the work.
After all, if I’m doing this as a career on a daily basis, I gotta be putting the work in as well.
The work I’ve done as a client has allowed me to gain a deeper understanding on how I interact with others and has improved my ability to maintain healthy relationships through open communication.
Since 2018, I’ve gone through different phases of my life, and each of those phases come with their own sets of lessons to learn from. That is to say that the personal work is ongoing.
Though I still go to therapy, my needs are different now - it’s more of a maintenance thing. Life still throws its curve balls from time to time, but as I get older and more experienced in understanding who I am, I developed more resilience to deal with them.
As you are on your own healing journey (you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t), remember that things ebb and flow, to take it one day at a time, and that the difficult things you’re going through are opportunities for personal growth.
