How Negative Thoughts Keep You Stuck: Why Fear of Failure Prevents You from Even Trying
You set the goal. You know what you need to do. But every time you think about taking action, a voice in your head starts listing all the reasons it won’t work. “What if I fail?” “I’m not good enough for this.” “Who am I kidding, I’ll probably just quit like I always do.”
So you don’t start. Or you start and stop at the first sign of difficulty. Not because you lack motivation. Instead, it’s because the fear of failing feels worse than not trying at all. At least if you don’t try, you can tell yourself you could have succeeded if you’d really wanted to.
Here’s what makes this pattern so frustrating: the negative thoughts aren’t based on reality. They’re predictions about a future that hasn’t happened yet. But your brain treats these thoughts like facts. “I’ll probably fail” becomes “I will definitely fail” which becomes “Why bother trying?”
As therapists in Ottawa who work with people struggling to reach their goals, we see this dynamic constantly. Clients know what they want. They understand the steps to get there. But negative thoughts create so much anxiety about potential failure that taking action feels impossible. Ironically, the thoughts meant to protect you from failure are actually guaranteeing it.
The truth is, negative thoughts don’t reflect reality. Rather, they reflect your brain’s attempt to protect you from discomfort. But you can learn to recognize these thoughts for what they are and take action despite them. This guide will show you how.
Why Your Brain Generates Negative Thoughts About Your Goals
Before you can work with negative thoughts, it helps to understand why they show up in the first place. These aren’t random or meaningless. Instead, they serve a specific (if misguided) purpose.
Your brain is trying to protect you:
The primitive part of your brain, which controls survival functions, sees any uncertain situation as potentially dangerous. Starting something new means facing the unknown. Failure could lead to shame, rejection, or loss. To keep you “safe,” your brain generates worst-case scenarios to convince you to stay where you are. Staying stuck feels safer than risking failure.
Past experiences shape current predictions:
If you’ve failed at goals before, your brain uses that data to predict future outcomes. “You failed at exercising consistently three times already. This time won’t be different.” These predictions feel like wisdom based on experience. Actually, they’re just patterns your brain has learned that may no longer be accurate.
Perfectionism masquerades as self-protection:
Many people with harsh negative thoughts are actually perfectionists. The thought “I won’t be good enough” translates to “If I can’t do it perfectly, I shouldn’t do it at all.” This all-or-nothing thinking prevents you from starting because your brain knows you won’t achieve perfection immediately.
Fear of success is sometimes bigger than fear of failure:
This sounds contradictory, but some people fear success more than failure. Success means change, higher expectations, more responsibility, or becoming someone different than who you’ve always been. Negative thoughts keep you stuck in a familiar (if unsatisfying) place.
Negative thoughts feel like self-awareness:
When your brain says “You’re not qualified for this,” it feels like realistic assessment rather than negative thinking. This is why these thoughts are so convincing. They masquerade as logic and reason when they’re actually anxiety and self-doubt.
The Difference Between Realistic Concern and Negative Thinking
Not every thought about potential obstacles is negative thinking that should be ignored. Sometimes concerns are realistic and need to be addressed. Learning to distinguish between the two is crucial.
Realistic concerns:
Based on specific facts about the situation. Lead to problem-solving rather than paralysis. Acknowledge real obstacles while still seeing possibility. “I don’t have the skills yet” paired with “so I need to learn them first.”
Negative thinking:
Based on global judgments about yourself. Create paralysis and avoidance. Focus exclusively on what could go wrong. “I’m not the kind of person who succeeds at things like this.”
Here’s what this could look like:
Someone wants to start a business. Realistic concern: “I don’t know much about accounting. I should take a course or hire a bookkeeper.” This identifies a real gap and a solution. Negative thinking: “I’m terrible with money. I’ll definitely mess this up. People like me don’t run successful businesses.” This makes global statements about inherent capability with no solution offered.
The key difference:
Realistic concerns invite action. Negative thoughts invite avoidance. If the thought makes you want to problem-solve, it’s probably realistic. If the thought makes you want to give up entirely, it’s probably negative thinking.
How Negative Thoughts Actually Guarantee Failure
The irony of negative thinking is that it creates the very outcome it predicts. When you’re convinced you’ll fail, you behave in ways that make failure more likely.
You don’t fully commit:
If you believe you’ll probably fail anyway, why give it your full effort? This half-hearted approach increases the chances that things won’t work out. Then your brain says “See? I told you this wouldn’t work.” The prediction becomes self-fulfilling.
You quit at the first obstacle:
Everyone faces setbacks when pursuing goals. But when you expect failure, any setback feels like confirmation that your negative thoughts were right. People who expect success see obstacles as problems to solve. People who expect failure see obstacles as proof they should quit.
You sabotage yourself unconsciously:
Sometimes people unconsciously create the failure they fear. Missing important deadlines. Not preparing adequately. Making unforced errors. This isn’t conscious, but it protects the ego. “I failed because I didn’t really try” feels better than “I tried my hardest and still failed.”
You don’t ask for help:
Negative thoughts often include beliefs about being a burden or not deserving support. This prevents you from asking for help you need. Trying to do everything alone makes success much harder, which then confirms your belief that you weren’t capable.
You focus on evidence that supports the negative belief:
Confirmation bias means you notice information that confirms your existing beliefs. If you believe you’re bad at public speaking, you’ll remember the one time you stammered and forget the five times you did well. This selective attention reinforces the negative thought.
Three Strategies to Work With Negative Thoughts
You can’t eliminate negative thoughts completely. They’re part of how brains work. But you can change your relationship with these thoughts so they don’t control your behavior.
Strategy 1: Notice and Name the Thought Without Believing It
The first step is creating distance between you and your thoughts. Just because a thought appears in your mind doesn’t mean it’s true or that you have to obey it.
Practice labeling thoughts:
When a negative thought appears, notice it and label it: “I’m having the thought that I’ll fail” rather than “I’m going to fail.” This small shift creates separation. The thought is something your mind is producing, not a fact about reality.
Recognize common patterns:
Most people’s negative thoughts fall into predictable categories. “I’m not good enough.” “I’ll probably fail.” “People will judge me.” “I always quit.” Once you recognize your specific patterns, you can catch them faster: “Oh, there’s the ‘I always quit’ thought again.”
Thank your brain for trying to protect you:
This sounds odd but works. When a negative thought appears, acknowledge it: “Thanks, brain, for trying to keep me safe. I know you’re worried about failure. But I’m going to try anyway.” This defuses the thought’s power while acknowledging its protective intent.
Use the “Is this true?” question:
When a thought like “I’m terrible at this” appears, ask: “Is this actually true, or is this anxiety talking?” Often you’ll realize the thought is exaggeration, not fact. “I struggled with this last time” is more accurate than “I’m terrible at this.”
Acknowledge the thought and move forward:
Trying to convince yourself the negative thought is wrong can sometimes backfire. Your brain will present evidence for the negative thought, and you’ll end up in an internal argument. Instead, acknowledge the thought and move forward: “That’s an interesting thought. I’m going to take action anyway.”
Strategy 2: Focus on the Next Small Action Instead of the Entire Goal
Negative thoughts often fixate on the enormity of what you’re trying to achieve. “I’ll never lose 50 pounds.” “I’ll never finish writing a book.” When the goal feels overwhelming, breaking it into tiny actions helps bypass the negative thinking.
The “just this one step” approach:
Don’t think about the whole goal. Instead, identify the very next action you need to take. Not “I need to get in shape.” Rather: “I need to put on my shoes and walk for 10 minutes.” The smaller the action, the less room for negative thoughts to take hold.
Build momentum through completion:
Every small action you complete proves to your brain that you can follow through. This builds evidence against negative thoughts. “You always quit” loses power when you can point to 10 days straight of completing the small action.
Make the action so small you can’t talk yourself out of it:
If negative thoughts still prevent action, the step is too big. Make it smaller. Can’t write for 30 minutes? Write one sentence. Can’t go to the gym? Do five pushups at home. Can’t study for an hour? Read one page. The size that bypasses resistance is the right size.
Celebrate each small completion:
Acknowledge every action you take, no matter how small. This trains your brain to focus on what you’re accomplishing rather than all the ways you might fail. Positive reinforcement is more powerful than negative self-talk.
Trust that small actions compound:
Negative thoughts want you to focus on how small actions aren’t enough to reach your big goal. But small consistent actions are exactly how big goals get achieved. One workout doesn’t transform your body. But 100 workouts do. Focus on the process, not the outcome.
Strategy 3: Reframe Failure as Information, Not Identity
Most negative thoughts operate on the assumption that failure means something terrible about you as a person. Changing how you think about failure reduces the power of these thoughts.
Separate behavior from identity:
“I failed at this thing” is very different from “I am a failure.” One describes an event. The other defines your entire being. When negative thoughts appear, check whether they’re making identity statements (“I’m not good enough”) rather than behavioral observations (“This approach didn’t work”).
Treat attempts as experiments:
Scientists don’t see failed experiments as personal failures. Rather, failed experiments are data that helps them adjust their approach. Adopt this mindset: “I’m running an experiment to see if this works. If it doesn’t, I’ll learn something and try a different approach.”
Ask “What can I learn?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?”:
When something doesn’t go as planned, your brain’s default is often self-criticism. Redirect to curiosity: “What didn’t work about that approach? What would I do differently next time?” This keeps you in problem-solving mode rather than shame spiral.
Remember that most successful people failed repeatedly:
Every successful person has a history of failures they don’t broadcast. What separates them isn’t absence of failure. Rather, it’s willingness to keep trying after failing. Failure is part of the process, not evidence you should quit.
Embrace “yet”:
When negative thoughts say “I can’t do this,” add “yet” to the end. “I can’t do this yet” acknowledges current limitations while maintaining possibility for growth. This simple addition shifts from fixed mindset to growth mindset.
When Negative Thoughts Signal Deeper Issues
Sometimes persistent negative thoughts about goals aren’t just normal self-doubt. Instead, they’re symptoms of underlying mental health conditions that need professional attention.
Depression makes everything feel hopeless:
When you’re depressed, negative thoughts about goals aren’t just about the specific goal. Rather, they’re part of a global hopelessness that colors everything. “What’s the point?” isn’t a thought about the goal—it’s a symptom of depression.
Anxiety creates catastrophic predictions:
Anxiety disorder can make normal concerns balloon into catastrophic predictions. “I might not succeed at this” becomes “I’ll definitely fail, everyone will judge me, I’ll lose everything, and my life will be ruined.”
Trauma creates beliefs about capability:
Past traumatic experiences sometimes create core beliefs like “I’m powerless” or “Bad things always happen to me.” These beliefs prevent goal pursuit because your nervous system learned that effort doesn’t lead to good outcomes.
Perfectionism may be OCD-related:
For some people, perfectionism isn’t just personality—it’s part of obsessive-compulsive patterns. The fear of failure comes from obsessive thoughts about making mistakes, and compulsive behaviors (like excessive planning or avoiding starting) are attempts to manage that anxiety.
When professional help is needed:
If negative thoughts are so intense they prevent you from functioning, if they’re accompanied by other symptoms like sleep problems or appetite changes, if they don’t respond to self-help strategies, or if you’re having thoughts of self-harm, therapy can help address the underlying issues.
FAQ About Negative Thoughts and Goal Achievement
The key is examining what the thought leads to. Realistic concerns point toward specific actions: “I don’t have the skills for this yet, so I need training.” Fear-based negative thoughts lead to paralysis: “I’m not the kind of person who succeeds at things like this.” Realistic concerns are specific to the situation and solvable. Negative thoughts make global statements about you as a person and offer no solutions. Another test: realistic concerns stay rational when you question them. If you ask “Is this actually true?” and can point to specific evidence, it’s likely realistic. If the thought crumbles under examination or you realize you’re catastrophizing, it’s probably fear. Also consider the emotional tone.
Realistic concerns feel more neutral—”Here’s a problem I need to solve.” Negative thoughts feel heavy, shameful, or anxiety-provoking—”This proves something terrible about me.” Finally, notice the pattern. If every goal you set triggers the same negative thoughts regardless of the specific goal, that’s your brain’s fear response, not realistic assessment of each unique situation. At Therapy with Empathy in Ottawa, we help clients develop this discernment between helpful caution and unhelpful negative thinking.
Past failures provide data, but they don’t determine future outcomes. Your brain treats past failures as proof that future attempts will also fail. But this logic is flawed for several reasons. First, you’re not the same person you were during past failures. You’ve learned, grown, and changed. Second, past circumstances may have been different than current circumstances. Maybe you had less support, less knowledge, or more stressors before. Third, past approaches that failed don’t mean all approaches will fail. Maybe you were trying the wrong strategy, not lacking capability. Fourth, many successful people failed multiple times before succeeding—past failure often precedes eventual success.
The question isn’t “Have I failed before?” Rather, ask: “What did I learn from past failures that I can apply now?” and “What will be different this time?” If you’re approaching the goal exactly the same way with the same mindset and same circumstances, past failure is relevant information. But if anything has changed, past failure doesn’t predict future outcomes. Finally, remember that continuing to not try because you failed before guarantees you won’t succeed. Trying again despite past failure gives you at least a chance of succeeding.
You absolutely can take action while having negative thoughts—in fact, that’s how it works for most successful people. Waiting until negative thoughts disappear before taking action means waiting forever. The goal isn’t eliminating negative thoughts. Instead, it’s changing your relationship with them so they don’t control your behavior. Think of negative thoughts like background noise. They’re there, but you don’t have to give them your full attention. You can notice a thought like “This probably won’t work” and still take the next step toward your goal.
You can create separation between you and your thoughts. The thought exists, but you don’t have to believe it or obey it. In fact, taking action despite negative thoughts is what eventually weakens those thoughts. Every time you act despite the thought and things go okay, you prove to your brain that the thought isn’t always accurate. Over time, the thoughts may become less frequent or less intense. But even if they don’t completely disappear, they lose their power to stop you. Many highly successful people report still having negative thoughts—they just don’t let those thoughts dictate their actions.
Failing at something doesn’t prove your negative thoughts were right. Here’s why: negative thoughts typically make statements about your inherent capability or worth: “I’m not good enough.” “I always fail.” “I’m not the kind of person who succeeds.” These are identity statements. Failing at a specific attempt proves only that this particular approach in this particular situation didn’t work. It doesn’t prove anything global about you as a person. Every successful person has failures. What separates them is how they interpret those failures. They see failure as “this approach needs adjustment” not “I am fundamentally incapable.”
If you fail, ask yourself: What specifically didn’t work? Or what external factors contributed? What can I learn? And what would I do differently next time? This keeps you in growth mindset where failure is information and motivation to adjust strategy. If instead you interpret failure as proof of your unworthiness or incapability, that’s the negative thinking distorting reality—not reality itself. Also remember: not trying guarantees you don’t succeed. Trying and failing gives you valuable information and keeps success possible. So the real question isn’t “What if I fail?” but rather “What if I don’t try and never know what was possible?”
Getting Support for Negative Thinking Patterns
Persistent negative thoughts that prevent goal achievement often respond well to therapy. Professional support can help you identify where these thoughts come from and develop strategies to work with them.
At Therapy with Empathy in Westboro, Ottawa, we work with people struggling with negative thinking patterns, fear of failure, and goal-related anxiety. Using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we help clients identify distorted thought patterns and develop more helpful ways of thinking. Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps explore where negative thoughts originate and what they’re trying to protect you from.
Therapy provides tools to challenge negative thoughts effectively. You learn to distinguish between realistic concerns and anxiety-driven catastrophizing. We help you identify your specific patterns and develop strategies tailored to how your mind works. Most importantly, therapy addresses underlying issues—depression, anxiety, trauma, perfectionism—that fuel persistent negative thinking.
If negative thoughts are keeping you stuck and preventing you from pursuing goals that matter to you, you don’t have to struggle alone. Book a free consultation or call our Westboro office to get started.
Negative thoughts don’t have to control your life. With the right strategies and support, you can learn to take action despite fear and self-doubt. The thoughts might not disappear completely. But they no longer get to decide whether you try.
Additional Resources:
Cognitive Processes in Response to Goal Failure: Rumination and Affect
Summary: This study examined how failure to achieve personal goals leads to rumination (repetitive negative thinking), which then intensifies and prolongs negative emotions like depression and anxiety. Researchers found that when people experience goal failure, they engage in ruminative thought that doesn’t just reflect their distress but actually amplifies it over time. The study demonstrated that rumination combined with negative affect creates a cycle that keeps people stuck emotionally after failing to progress toward goals.
APA Reference: Jones, N. P., Papadakis, A. A., Hogan, C. M., & Strauman, T. J. (2013). Cognitive processes in response to goal failure: A study of ruminative thought and its affective consequences. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 32(5), 482-503. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2013.32.5.482
Failure Sensitivity in Perfectionism and Procrastination
Summary: This research examined how perfectionism and procrastination relate to failure orientation, including fear of failure and overgeneralization of failure. The study found that both trait perfectionism and perfectionistic automatic thoughts were associated with treating failures as global reflections of self-worth rather than specific events. People with perfectionistic concerns were particularly prone to overgeneralizing failures, creating a pattern where any setback confirms negative beliefs about themselves. This failure sensitivity partially explained the relationship between perfectionism and procrastination.
APA Reference: Yosopov, L., Saklofske, D. H., Smith, M. M., Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (2024). Failure sensitivity in perfectionism and procrastination: Fear of failure and overgeneralization of failure as mediators of traits and cognitions. Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment, 42(4), 417-432. https://doi.org/10.1177/07342829241249784