How to Deal with Traumatic Events: What Actually Helps When You’re Still Hurting
Something terrible happened. Maybe it was months ago. Maybe it was years ago. But your body still remembers.
- You get triggered by random things.
- You have nightmares.
- You feel like you’re still stuck in that moment even though you’re safe now.
People tell you to “move on” or “let it go.” They don’t understand why you can’t just get over it. But trauma doesn’t work that way. Because your nervous system is trying to protect you from something that already happened. And it doesn’t know how to stop.
Here’s what most people don’t understand about trauma: it’s not about what happened to you. Instead, it’s about what got stuck inside you when it happened. The fear, the helplessness, the sense that the world isn’t safe. These feelings don’t go away just because the event is over.
As therapists in Ottawa who specialize in trauma, we work with people every day who are trying to heal from things that changed them. They survived the traumatic event. Now they’re trying to figure out how to survive the aftermath.
The truth is, healing from trauma isn’t about forgetting what happened or pretending you’re fine. Rather, it’s about helping your nervous system understand that the danger is over. This guide will show you what actually helps when traditional advice falls short.
Why Trauma Feels Like It’s Happening Right Now
When most people think about memory, they think of stories. You remember what happened, where you were, who was there. These memories have a beginning, middle, and end. They’re in the past.
Traumatic memories don’t work that way. Instead, they’re stored in your body as sensations, emotions, and physical responses. Because of this, when something triggers a traumatic memory, it doesn’t feel like you’re remembering. It feels like it’s happening again, right now.
What happens in your brain during trauma:
When you experience something terrifying, your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala) takes over. It shuts down the part of your brain that processes time and language. This is why trauma memories often feel fragmented or confusing. Your brain couldn’t organize the experience into a normal memory because it was too busy trying to keep you alive.
After the event ends, your amygdala stays on high alert. It learned that the world is dangerous. Now it’s constantly scanning for threats. This is why you get triggered by things that remind you of the trauma, even when you’re objectively safe.
Common signs your nervous system is still stuck:
You feel like you’re always on edge, waiting for something bad to happen. Loud noises or sudden movements make you jump.
- You have nightmares about the event or similar situations.
- You avoid places, people, or activities that remind you of what happened.
- You feel numb or disconnected from your emotions.
- You have physical symptoms like racing heart, sweating, or feeling frozen when triggered.
These aren’t signs that you’re broken. Instead, they’re signs that your nervous system is still in protection mode. It’s trying to keep you safe from a danger that’s already over.
Why “Just Talk About It” Doesn’t Always Help
The most common advice for trauma is to “talk about what happened.” But for many people, talking about the trauma actually makes things worse. Because when you tell the story, you can get re-traumatized. Your nervous system goes back into that state of fear and helplessness.
Traditional talk therapy can be helpful for some things. However, trauma lives in your body, not just your mind. Talking about it engages your thinking brain. But your thinking brain isn’t where the trauma is stuck.
What happens when talking doesn’t help:
You tell the story multiple times but nothing changes. You still have nightmares, still get triggered. and you might even feel worse because now you’ve relived the trauma repeatedly without any relief.
This doesn’t mean therapy doesn’t work for trauma. Instead, it means you need trauma-specific therapy that works with your nervous system, not just your thoughts.
Three Things That Actually Help with Trauma Recovery
Most trauma advice focuses on understanding what happened or changing how you think about it. But healing trauma requires working with your body and nervous system. Here are three strategies that actually make a difference.
Strategy 1: Learn to Recognize When You’re Triggered (And What to Do About It)
A trigger is anything that reminds your nervous system of the trauma. It could be a smell, a sound, a place, a person, or even a time of year. When you get triggered, your body reacts as if the trauma is happening again.
Most people try to avoid triggers completely. But avoidance keeps you stuck because your brain never learns that you’re actually safe now. Instead, you need to learn how to notice when you’re triggered and bring yourself back to the present.
How to recognize you’re triggered:
Your heart starts racing. Your breathing gets shallow. You feel panicky or frozen. Your vision might narrow. You feel like you need to escape. You can’t think clearly. These are all signs your nervous system has gone into threat mode.
The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:
When you notice you’re triggered, use your senses to bring yourself back to the present moment. Look around and name 5 things you can see. Then 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
This works because trauma pulls you into the past. Using your senses roots you in the present. You’re showing your nervous system: “Look, we’re here now, not back there.”
Create a safety statement:
When you’re triggered, your brain believes you’re in danger. You need to remind it that you’re safe. Create a specific statement you can repeat: “That was then. This is now. I am safe in this moment.” Say it out loud if you can. Hearing your own voice helps.
Strategy 2: Discharge the Stuck Energy in Your Body
When trauma happens, your body prepares to fight or run. But often you can’t do either. You freeze. The energy that was meant for fighting or running gets stuck in your body. This is why trauma survivors often feel restless, anxious, or like they need to move but can’t.
Traditional therapy doesn’t address this stuck energy. Instead, you need to help your body complete the response it couldn’t finish during the trauma.
Somatic practices that help:
Physical movement is one of the most effective ways to discharge trauma energy. But it can’t be just any movement. You need movement that helps your body feel safe and in control.
Try shaking. Animals do this naturally after a threat passes. Stand up and gently shake your hands, then your arms, then your whole body for 30 seconds. This helps release the stuck activation in your nervous system.
Or try progressive muscle relaxation. Tense every muscle in your body as tight as you can for 5 seconds, then release completely. This teaches your body the difference between tension and safety.
Why this works:
Your body stores trauma as incomplete protective responses. When you help your body complete these responses (through shaking, tensing and releasing, or other somatic practices), you’re telling your nervous system: “The threat is over. We responded. We’re safe now.”
Strategy 3: Build Safety in Small Steps (Not All at Once)
After trauma, your nervous system believes the world is dangerous. You can’t think your way out of this belief. Instead, you have to show your nervous system that it’s wrong. But you have to do it gradually.
You expose yourself to reminders of the trauma in tiny, manageable doses. Just enough to activate your nervous system slightly, but not enough to overwhelm it.
How to practice this:
Make a list of things that trigger you, from least scary to most scary. Then start with the easiest one. Expose yourself to it for just a few seconds. Practice your grounding techniques. Notice that you survived. Do this multiple times until this trigger doesn’t activate you anymore.
Then move to the next thing on your list. Never jump to something that feels too big. Because if you overwhelm your nervous system, you reinforce the belief that you’re not safe.
Why this works:
Every time you face a small trigger and survive it, you’re giving your nervous system new information. You’re teaching it: “This reminder of the trauma is not the trauma itself. We can handle this. We’re okay.”
Over time, your nervous system learns to differentiate between actual danger and things that just remind you of danger. This is how you reclaim your life from trauma.
Example:
If you were in a car accident and now can’t drive, don’t start by getting on the highway. Instead, sit in a parked car for 2 minutes. Then sit in a parked car with the engine running; then drive to the end of your driveway; then drive around your block. Build up slowly. Let your nervous system adjust at each step.
Trauma-Specific Therapy: What Actually Works
Not all therapy is trauma therapy. In fact, some therapy approaches can make trauma worse if they’re not specifically designed to work with trauma. Here are the approaches that have the most research backing them.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR):
EMDR helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories so they feel like regular memories instead of ongoing threats. During EMDR, you briefly think about the trauma while doing bilateral stimulation (usually eye movements). This helps your brain move the memory from your emotional brain to your thinking brain.
EMDR is one of the most researched trauma therapies. Studies show it can significantly reduce PTSD symptoms in a relatively short time.
Somatic Experiencing:
This approach works directly with your nervous system and body sensations. Instead of talking about what happened, you notice physical sensations and help your body complete the defensive responses that got interrupted during trauma.
Somatic experiencing is especially helpful for people who feel disconnected from their bodies or who get overwhelmed when talking about trauma.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) for Trauma:
IFS helps you work with the different parts of yourself that formed in response to trauma. There’s often a part that holds the trauma memories, a part that tries to protect you from those memories, and a part that just wants to feel normal again.
IFS helps these parts work together instead of fighting each other. This reduces internal conflict and helps you feel more whole.
What we offer at Therapy with Empathy:
At our practice in Ottawa, we specialize in trauma treatment using EMDR, IFS, and somatic approaches. We understand that trauma isn’t just something you think about. Instead, it’s something your whole nervous system is responding to. Our therapists are trained to help you heal without re-traumatizing you in the process.
What to Do When You Can’t Afford Therapy Right Now
Professional trauma therapy is the most effective path to healing. However, we understand that therapy isn’t accessible for everyone right now. Here are things you can do on your own while you’re working toward getting professional support.
Practice grounding daily:
Even when you’re not triggered, practice the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. This strengthens your ability to stay present and makes it easier to use when you actually need it.
Move your body regularly:
Any movement helps, but especially movement that involves both sides of your body (like walking, swimming, or dancing). This bilateral movement can help process trauma similar to how EMDR works.
Create predictable routines:
Trauma makes the world feel chaotic and unsafe. Routines give your nervous system a sense of predictability and control. Go to bed at the same time. Eat meals at regular intervals. Create structure where you can.
Connect with safe people:
Isolation makes trauma worse. Even if you can’t talk about what happened, being around people who feel safe helps your nervous system regulate. Your brain learns: “If I can relax around this person, maybe the world isn’t completely dangerous.”
Limit exposure to additional stress:
Your nervous system is already dealing with trauma. Don’t add more stress if you can avoid it. Reduce news consumption. Limit time with people who drain you. Protect your energy as much as possible.
When Trauma Symptoms Mean You Need Professional Help
Some trauma symptoms are signs that you need professional support right away. Don’t try to handle these on your own.
Red flags that require immediate help:
- You’re having suicidal thoughts.
- You’re using substances to numb the pain.
- You’re engaging in self-harm.
- You’re having flashbacks so intense that you lose touch with reality.
- You can’t function at work or in relationships.
- You’re having panic attacks multiple times a day.
If you’re experiencing any of these, please reach out to a trauma-specialized therapist. In Ontario, you can also call the Mental Health Crisis Line at 1-866-531-2600 for immediate support.
Signs you’d benefit from trauma therapy:
You’ve tried these strategies and nothing is getting better. You’ve been stuck for more than six months. Your symptoms are interfering with your daily life. You can’t stop thinking about what happened. You feel like you’re going through the motions but not really living.
Trauma therapy can help. It’s not about dwelling on the past. Instead, it’s about freeing you from the past so you can actually be present in your life now.
FAQ About Dealing with Traumatic Events
Trauma recovery doesn’t follow a set timeline because everyone’s experience is different. Factors that affect healing time include the nature of the trauma, whether it was a single event or ongoing, your support system, and whether you have access to trauma-specialized therapy. Some people see significant improvement within a few months of starting trauma therapy like EMDR. Others need a year or more, especially if the trauma was complex or occurred during childhood. What matters most isn’t how long it takes, but that you’re moving forward.
At Therapy with Empathy in Ottawa, we help clients understand that healing isn’t linear. You might have good weeks followed by hard weeks, and that’s normal. With proper support and trauma-specific treatment, most people can significantly reduce symptoms and reclaim their lives.
Yes, trauma symptoms can appear or persist years after the traumatic event. This happens because trauma gets stored in your nervous system, not just your memory. Your body holds onto the fear and protective responses even when the danger has passed. Some people experience delayed onset trauma symptoms, meaning they seemed fine initially but symptoms emerged months or years later. This often happens when something in your current life triggers the old trauma, or when you finally feel safe enough for your nervous system to process what happened.
The good news is that trauma therapy works regardless of how long ago the event occurred. EMDR and other trauma-focused approaches can help your brain reprocess old traumatic memories so they feel like regular memories instead of ongoing threats. Ottawa therapists at Therapy with Empathy work with both recent trauma and trauma from decades ago.
Being upset is a normal emotional response that fades as you process the experience. Trauma is different because it gets stuck in your nervous system and changes how you function. With trauma, your nervous system stays activated as if the threat is ongoing. You experience symptoms like hypervigilance (always scanning for danger), intrusive memories or nightmares, feeling emotionally numb, avoiding reminders of the event, and physical symptoms like racing heart when triggered. These symptoms persist long after the event and interfere with daily life.
Another key difference is that with trauma, your sense of safety in the world fundamentally changes. You don’t just feel sad about what happened. Instead, you feel like danger could strike at any moment. If you’re not sure whether what you experienced was traumatic, pay attention to how your body responds. If you’re still physically reacting to reminders months later, that’s trauma, not just being upset.
Some people can heal from trauma with self-help strategies, supportive relationships, and time. However, trauma-specialized therapy significantly speeds up healing and prevents symptoms from becoming chronic. If you’ve been trying self-help strategies for several months without improvement, or if your symptoms are interfering with work, relationships, or daily functioning, professional help is important.
Trauma therapy offers tools and approaches you can’t access on your own, like EMDR, which helps your brain reprocess traumatic memories. A trauma-specialized therapist also provides a safe relationship where your nervous system can learn to regulate again. This co-regulation is difficult to achieve alone. At Therapy with Empathy, we often see clients who spent years trying to heal on their own before seeking help. They make more progress in a few months of trauma therapy than they did in years of struggling alone. If trauma is impacting your life, professional support is worth it.
For Ottawa Residents: You Don’t Have to Heal from Trauma Alone
Dealing with traumatic events is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. Your nervous system is trying to protect you, but it’s also keeping you stuck in survival mode. Professional support can make all the difference.
At Therapy with Empathy in Westboro, Ottawa, we specialize in trauma treatment. We use evidence-based approaches including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and somatic techniques to help you heal without re-traumatizing you.
Trauma therapy isn’t about forcing you to talk about what happened before you’re ready. Instead, it’s about helping your nervous system understand that the danger has passed. We work at your pace, building safety first, then gradually helping you process what happened.
Whether your trauma is recent or from years ago, therapy can help. Book a free consultation or call our Westboro office to get started.