What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “mindfulness”? Sitting on the floor with your legs crossed? Meditation? Crystals and essential oils? 

It’s very easy to think that’s all there is to it since when you google “mindfulness” or scroll through Instagram (as I tend to do *cough cough*) those are the images often used to represent it. 

 Let’s address one of the most common misconceptions about mindfulness: mindfulness is meditation. Although those two are closely related, they’re not the same. Meditation is just one of the ways that you can practice mindfulness. 

Think of it like this: You don’t have to meditate to be mindful, but you have to be mindful to meditate. 

So… what exactly is mindfulness? 

Simply put, mindfulness is being and staying in the moment. It’s paying attention to the moment you’re in without reacting, judging, or adding any meaning to it. 

Since this post isn’t solely dedicated to understanding mindfulness, here’s a great post giving more insight on What is Mindfulness? by Shine Psychotherapy & Mindfulness.

Interested in being mindful on a day-to-day? Here’s How to be Mindful All the Time.

And for those of you who think all of this is fluff… I got you - Mindfulness for Skeptics!

Now, let’s talk about why you’re really here! How does that help me in my relationships?! 

1.     You will be more appreciative and grateful for those around you. 

Not only does practicing mindfulness makes you more aware of what’s going on with you in the moment, your inner thoughts, the way you feel in your body, or the emotions you’re experiencing, but you also become more aware of the blessings in your life, such as your friends, partner, or family members. 

You’ll start to pay more attention when they bring your favorite cup of coffee, pack your lunch for school/workday, or text you to check-in, which would most likely lead you to be more intentional with your “thank you (s)”. 

You will appreciate who they are and what they bring a whole lot more. 

2.     You demonstrate better understanding and compassion towards them. 

As you’re spending time with them and observing them without judgement, you will start to pay more attention to how they’re feeling. 

When they suddenly get angry, your first instinct may be to defend yourself or to run away, aka fight or flight response. Thing is, neither of those responses increases bonding and healing.

To be mindful in those situations is to notice your reactions: How’s your heartrate? How are you feeling? - frustrated? annoyed? angry?… This is when you ask yourself: How can I relate to them in the moment?  

As mentioned earlier, being mindful leads you to appreciate the blessings in your life; it will help you focus more on what’s right vs. what’s wrong in the relationship (of course, if they’re abusive, that’s another conversation). 

3.     You will be able to increase connection through self-awareness. 

I’m sure you’ve seen this quote before: “You’re responsible for your own happiness” – in the context of a relationship, there’s some truth to it. As great as a friend or partner they may be, they won’t be able to meet all your needs. Especially, when they’re not aware of what you need – yeah no… they can’t read your mind. 

Once you’ve identified what you need, and you’ve clearly expressed it to them, they’ll be able to understand you better and most likely meet that need in the future, which in turn increases connection. 

Another way mindfulness increases connection is during activities with your partner, family member or friends. It’s not just about being there and scrolling on your phone or passively listening, it’s being an engaged participant in whatever is going on. Being there and present with them increases intimacy. 

It’s important to be aware of your actions, your emotions, and your own needs. Understand the impact of your actions and your role in that relationship. Ask yourself: How can I show up and be better in my relationships?  

My hope is that you find these tips helpful in strengthening and maintaining healthy relationships. 

A gentle reminder that the information included on this post is for educational/informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for therapy by a regulated professional.

 Learn more about the relationships services I provide as a psychotherapist.