With the different types of therapy modalities available, it can be challenging to figure out which one will work best for you in your relationship. This is the opportunity for you to get acquainted with CBT, you probably won’t learn everything there is to know about it, but you’ll be a step closer to figuring out how it could work for you. 

By the end of this blog post you’ll have an idea on how to apply some of its principles to your day to day, as a way of reinforcing the connection between you and those around you. 

CBT explained…

CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, meaning that it puts an emphasis on how your thoughts (cognition) have an impact on the things you do or how you react (behaviour). 

You may (or may not) know this, but there is a direct connection between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. If you’re feeling excited, you’re most likely thinking about positive things. Just as when we feel upset, we’re likely having negative thoughts. What this tells us is, a sure way of improving our mood is by paying attention to the images in our head or the stories we’re telling ourselves, aka our thoughts! 

This is why CBT is such widely used technique for anxiety, as it challenges you to be more aware of your triggering thoughts and how you react to them. With time, you also learn more effective strategies, or as we (therapists) like to call them, coping mechanisms when faced with anxiety-inducing situations. 

Reinforcing your connection with CBT 

As this technique puts such an emphasis on the impact of your thoughts on your behaviours, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that it also helps reduce unhelpful assumptions that create disagreements with those around you. 

Disagreements can easily get in the way of cultivating intimacy. So, let’s see how changing the way you think can lead to you feeling closer to your partner. 

1. Identify your triggers 

   A trigger, also called an activating event, is something that leads to you experiencing a strong negative emotion, such as anger or sadness. You need to be aware of what the situation is that is affecting you – Socks on the floor? A conversation with an ex? Dirty dishes in the sink? 

2.  How is it affecting you 

   The next step is to be mindful of the consequences of the situation on your feelings and your behaviours. The goal is to identify the words that best describe your feelings and to rate the intensity of the emotion from 0 to 100. As you can imagine, the higher the number, the more intense is the emotion. Then choose which of these emotions you felt at the time of the event and how you acted as a result – did you guys get into an argument? Did you walk out of the room? 

3.  Recognize your automatic thoughts

   At this step, you’re examining your beliefs, expectations, perceptions, and attitudes about the situation. You may ask yourself, what was I thinking when the event occurred or what images or memories do I have in this situation? – Are they expecting me to pick up after them? Do I need to be doing everything around here? Those are some of the thoughts that can occur because of a triggering situation.

Once you’ve gone through the first three steps, you’re now able to challenge your thoughts and test them to see if they’re accurate. Some questions to ask yourself:  Is there evidence for and against what I’m thinking? How accurate is what I’m thinking? 

 This exercise also gives you the opportunity to do some cognitive restructuring, as in identifying the ineffective patterns of thinking and considering both perspectives. By examining the effect of believing the thought, or even challenging its veracity, you’re one step closer to experiencing less stress, therefore strengthening your relationships!

I hope by learning a bit more about CBT, you’ll be able to implement its strategies when interacting with those around you. 

A gentle reminder that the information included on this post is for educational/informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for therapy by a regulated professional.